Quick reviews from the world of second-run theatres and bootleg DVD screeners….

BEOWULF–
Robert “Special Effects” Zemekis brings us an age-old tale of men and mosters and a Barbie doll with high-heels that LITERALLY comes out of its heels. OH! And it has Angelina Jolies head. (Cause who’s second on the list after Barbie for “unreal expectations of self-image for little girls”?)
Honestly, I dont know that I can properly review this movie since it was made for a 3-D IMAX screen. I saw it at the Roseville 4 dollar theatre which offered neither 3D glasses, nor does it have an IMAX screen (which lead to a good 1/3rd of the movies action taking place with the HEADS OF THE CHARACTERS CUT OFF!!!).
I will say this—John Malkovich should NEVER be let within 500 miles of film shoot EVER AGAIN!

JUNO–
Whats more fun than teen pregnancy?
NOTHING!
You’ve earned that little golden oscar nod, Diablo.
The Christian right thanks you more than you’ll ever know.